doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Randomize
