i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Randomize
