I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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