I don't remember. Are we still dating?
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
