You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
it's like heaven, but drunker
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
