I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
