Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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