I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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