Nicole vs. Life
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
i now understand why vodka
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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