i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
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