I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
