you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Randomize
