The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
