I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Randomize
