My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
The adults are the big ones right?
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
