In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize
