Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
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