Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
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