i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
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