...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
