i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize
