it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Welp...herpes.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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