Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
