She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
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