I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
