i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize
