Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
