At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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