I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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