Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Randomize
