Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
They took my balls.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
Randomize
