The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Randomize
