you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
