Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
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