I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Randomize
