i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
