I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
