So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Randomize
