And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
