Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Randomize
