So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
