Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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