i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
