i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Randomize
