i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
