I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
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