you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize
