is your mom at the bar?
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
