Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
