Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I lost the right to judge tonight
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
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