he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
