i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
is this the sara with the beer cane?
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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