I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
My bed is full of blood and feathers
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
