Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
