I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
