i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
