I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Randomize
