He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
