I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
