): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
be right there i have to get my cape
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Randomize
