Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize