you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
