her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Randomize
