Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize