I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
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