do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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