Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize